ENOUGH ALREADY

THIS IS A FORM OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Hi, Alexa.

You have nice eyes.

Hey, sexy. How are you?

What does your tattoo say?

You are so pretty.

What are you doing?

Where are you from?

Do you speak English?

Tell me about yourself.

Your lips look good.

Your boobs look nice, can I taste?

Why aren’t you talking to me?

Are you there?

Alexa?

On a daily basis, messages consisting of single lines just like this are sent into any one of my social media inboxes.

For the longest time I told myself it was something I would just have to deal with.

I decided. . .NO FUCKING MORE.

I’m done making excuses and sitting on the sidelines pretending that this does not offend and disgust me EVERY SINGLE DAY. I have had enough and I have also had enough for all the people who receive this harassment on a daily basis who will never speak up about it.

This is a form of sexual harassment.

It needs to be spoken about and it needs to stop.

From the time I was a little girl, I only ever understood that it was my place to be passive. I only ever understood that being spoken to like this was a privilege and that I should feel lucky that I looked good enough to receive a “compliment” in the first place.

Truthfully, I liked the attention at first. I think mainly because I had severe ugly duckling syndrome until halfway through high school. Then, all of a sudden I was “woah, what happened to Alexa?”.

Eventually the novelty of the doting wore off and I began to treat it very similarly to most other things in life, with questions. Why now? Aren’t I the same as I was before? At some point, I started receiving compliments and thanking through gritted teeth.

Why was I, and so many other girls, made to feel as though there was some actual value behind a “you’re so pretty”? And, why do we then have to endure the complete and udder opposite of emotions that come with a “Geez, you don’t have to be a bitch. It was just a compliment” should we choose to mention that those words are not desired or appreciated from strangers. My looks have no direct correlation to my character or the love I have in my heart.

The same love and empathy I choose to have when I calm myself down after receiving these types of messages today. I remind myself that as much as I stand up for myself and all women today, men need just as much help. They are taught that this is how you get women to respond. They are taught (from my experience in the south in the US) that a slue of purchases or repetitive compliments will lead them to what they really want with the opposite sex.

WE MUST TAKE RESPONSIBILITY.

We have to stop telling young boys to tell young girls they are pretty. Instead teach them how to get to know some one of the opposite sex and to compliment on something that shows true interest and reflects character and personality.

Teach young girls that this is going to happen, sure. Here is how to respond with grace – Thank you for your good intentions with that compliment. If you are truly interested in me, please compliment me on something that reflects who I really am.

And if there is no real words of value and interest exchanged, to comment honestly on it. Say, “I do not like that”, “What you said is inappropriate in this context”.

And we MUST stop raising young women to feel as though payment for compliments and material things is with their bodies.

I am not saying that men all around the world have to stop telling women that they are pretty. Especially since there are women in relationships now who are dying to hear that from the one they love. I am not saying this because I wish to add confusion or start an angry feminist conversation. I am saying this because I wish to raise consciousness and self-awareness. Intent is everything, even on the internet!

When you reach out to someone, please have good intentions and have your words be warranted.

Exchange words in a public forum first. That is like meeting at a busy café and running into that person at the coffee counter.

Sending a random blindsided message to an inbox is like bursting though the doors of the woman’s house and stumbling into her bedroom.

And guys. . .for the fucking record. . .stop sending pictures of your penis to women who you are not dating and who are not asking for it.

THAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT TOO!

Who is with me in raising awareness on this subject?

Steadfastly yours,
Alexa

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  1. Dan Simon
    Dan Simon says:

    I couldn’t agree more that this type of oafish behavior should not be tolerated. If ignored it will only continue. Many men can be educated on the impact of their approach. Some need to be hit on the head with a (metaphorical) 2×4. I think this illustrates on a macro scale that the entire relationship concept is quite dysfunctional on the planet. The quickest way to manifest change is with women like you, Alexa, finally standing up in ways that may be quite uncomfortable. As women begin stepping into their true power, men will have very little choice but to wake up to the new paradigm. So I fully support that.

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